Enjoying The Loneliness

All this time I have been someone who always give my sister the kind of what-the-hell-were-you-doing whenever she told me that she went out to eat or to shop at a mall or to watch a movie by herself. I have always been the one who think about how other people would look at me and think that girl looks like she could use some of my pities for sitting there by herself. I have always been the one who would rather cook a bowl of instant noodles rather than go out to a restaurant or cafe all by myself to just eat something. I have always been the one who feels uncomfortable whenever I need to wait for someone by myself, standing on the side of the road or sitting awkwardly in front of some buildings. I hate being alone. Being by myself. That doesn’t mean I always have someone to accompany me, though. Sometimes I don’t have anyone to stand by my side and knows that it can’t be helped, but I just didn’t want to be seen on those lonely moments. I’d stay at home although there’s no one there, either. Always thought that being by myself when I’m surrounded by a crowd of people chatting and laughing is much more miserable that being my myself at home.


Today is different. I am right now sitting by myself, in the corner of my favorite cafe, blog-walking, reading people’s thoughts, smiling, laughing, wiping tears (wait, am I?). Have been here for hours, looking at people coming and leaving the cafe one by one, not wanting to leave, swearing at my self for forgetting my mac charger at home. Well, I still have another half an hour before this mac goes off for not having any battery left, though. And I guess I won’t leave the place until then. I don’t know why. Now I think my room would be an even more miserable place to be than this cafe. I guess there has been too many changes taken place in the last few weeks that it started to change me, too. I guess now I just don’t care what other people think I looks like sitting here by myself for hours. Probably they would just enjoy themselves and won’t even realize my existence in this corner. Now that I think about it, they won’t even care, then why should I? I do enjoy the loneliness, and that’s all that matters.

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