The era in which we live in right now, free will seems to be a fundamental idea on almost every discussion, debate or decision making process. It probably started in all of those so-called liberal countries. Or maybe not. Maybe it was an idea buried in every mind that was awaken, broaden and made stronger when we hear someone else talk about it.
The way I see it, the notion of free will have a lot to do with what we call as doubt. Doubt (verb ˈdau̇t) is defined by Merriam-Webster Online as “to be uncertain about (something); to believe that (something) may not be true or is unlikely; or to have no confidence in (someone or something).”
I think that in one way, it was awaken by the abundance of doubt we have in other people, in the system in which we live in, in destiny, in religion, in God or whatever else was supposed to take over our choices. Or rather, it might have been awaken by the lack of these doubt when it comes to our own relative thoughts, our individual concept of belief, or of our very own personal choices. I do have a tendency to think that it was more the earlier, or at least that is the way it is for me. The reason being even in most of the times I use my own free will on a decision making, I still have this fear inside of me that keep asking myself if I have made the right choice, if my judgement was not clouded, if it was after all the best possible outcome of the situation. This fear however, is usually less significant compared to the doubt I felt towards the system or destiny or other people’s interest on my choice. Or else I would not think it too hard before deciding something.
The thing is, I sometimes feel that the believe we have in this notion of free will is absolutely exhausting. Sometimes I have this envious feeling to see people around me who have the faith in destiny, in the way everything is arranged for a reason. I envy their faith in how their effort is the thing that mattered more than the result because it was supposed to be chosen for the best when they have done their best. Without this belief sometimes I wonder how we are managing to live with ourselves in the face of failure to think of it as an after effect of one past decision or another.
But the problem of the doubt does not seem to stop there with me. Somehow my mind has managed to turn the whole thing around and confront the idea of doubt and free will directly. Now I ask myself, “What if this idea of free will is just an illusion?” What if there is destiny after all, and all this time we just think that we are making the decision while all along, they have been made for us long before the problem actually come up?
Either way, I know that I still need to keep trying to make the best decision if I want the best result there is. But I do hope that these efforts will actually be enough.